Prosthetic Cerebrum

Another roleplaying convention is over, it’s time to sweep up the mess and count the bodies.

First of all, my game:

Lucifer’s Mega Fun-Time Games of Strategy, Chance and Fortune was a game that I conceived while reading about game theory on Wikipedia.
The concept was that Lucifer would run a variety of clever games to confound his fellow demons.
Unfortunately, I didn’t spend nearly enough time in preparation, and it showed.
I ended up running a variety of fairly run-of-the-mill gambling games, overlayed with the barest of plot.
It worked best when the players got into their characters, but with very little happening to hang the characters on, this was rare and fleeting.

I was really happy with the game I ran at Arcanacon, and think that I am capable of writing and running a much better game.
To that end, and simply because I’ve come up with what I think is a good concept, I have already started working on a game for Arc 2010. It even fits the theme (For Science!).
The short time between Arcanacon and Conquest means that, if I want to continue to support both conventions, I need to budget my time better, and probably need to start writing for Conquest before Arcanacon even runs.
Having multiple projects at different stages of completion is a good way to keep the creative juices flowing, anyway.

However, considering my plans for Easter 2010, the chances of me attending the next Conquest are somewhere between “not likely” and “are you fucking kidding me?”. In fact, it’s unlikely I will be able to dedicate an entire four days to a con ever again. Life happens.

Anyway, this was meant to be a wrap-up of Conquest.

I ended up playing in 4 games: 1 tabletop and 3 freeforms.

The tabletop was Caine Chandler’s rather depraved take on the Cthulhu genre, Love Lies Bleeding.
The game encouraged players to slip into depravity and immorality, but I felt our session suffered from the fact that it was made up of four individuals, rather than a team of players who know each other well.
As a result, I think we were all a bit reluctant to take on the darker aspects of our characters, and we ended up only skirting the edges of the game’s abyssal potential. Still, great writing, and Caine is a consummate storyteller.

The first freeform I played in was Tales from The City: Apotheosis by Alicia Cameron and Simon Boot, a sequel to an earlier game that I had missed. There were plenty of references to the earlier game, from what I could tell, but I could follow the story regardless of not having played it. I enjoyed playing my character, who had a lot of emotional complexity as well as some truly weird happenings to deal with. The only thing I would want to change about how it was run would be how the information was doled out. The character sheets were very dense, and it was sometimes difficult to find the information you needed hidden in the bulk of the text. A summary of the relevant information for each character would have been handy.

I’ll skip to the third freeform, Aaron Fenwick’s continuing L5R saga, Death, Taxes, Blood and Honor. Now, I had played in the previous installment of this game, so I can even more confidently say that anyone who hadn’t wasn’t especially disadvantaged, yet watching the history unfold across multiple games is quite interesting. I have a similar criticism with this one, though, and that is that it wasn’t always clear from one’s character sheet who everyone was. And, one small but important bit of advice, make sure all your fonts are clear. Name badges where Rs look like Ns are sub-optimal. Otherwise, it was an enjoyable game, and I liked the fact that my character was peripheral, yet had plenty to do. An often difficult thing to achieve.

The other freeform I played was one of the best games I have ever been in. Mik Bonsall’s Project Eden had everything a truly great freeform needs – intrigue, deception, mystery, puzzles and multiple plot twists. The plot was convoluted enough that I had multiple theories about what was going on, and really started to feel the existential angst of it. Again, a great character, with complex emotional issues, which allowed me to explore anguish, pain, confusion, joy, anger and a quiet sort of madness. Excellent, excellent game.

Anyway, that was my Conquest. I did have a good time and, were circumstances different, I would certainly be happy to say I was going to go next year. As it is, I will most likely be on my honeymoon next Easter, but that’s another story.

Is it too early to have a drink?
If you often find yourself unsure of whether now is an appropriate time to start downing a few alcoholic bevvies, print out this handy reference and keep it on hand.

Click to enbiggen!

According to which films won Best Picture, and which films were nominated:

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King is a better film than Lost in Translation
Gladiator is a better film than Traffic
Shakespeare in Love is a better film than Elizabeth
Shakespeare in Love is a better film than Life Is Beautiful
Shakespeare in Love is a better film than Saving Private Ryan
Shakespeare in Love is a better film than The Thin Red Line
Titanic is a better film than L.A. Confidential
The English Patient is a better film than Fargo
Forrest Gump is a better film than Pulp Fiction
Dances with Wolves is a better film than Goodfellas

That’s only going back as far as 1990, and doesn’t include the films that weren’t even nominated (obviously the American establishment didn’t go anywhere near Fight Club). Not to mention the travesties in the acting categories (I wish the name Helen Hunt was just rhyming slang).

And, looking at this year’s most talked about nomination, don’t get me wrong, I think that Heath Ledger’s performance as The Joker was absolutely superb and deserving of recognition. But, does anyone really believe that he’d be the short-priced favourite for Best Supporting Actor for his performance as a comic book villain if he hadn’t so tragically lost his life?

Saying that voting in the Academy Awards is “all political” is putting it mildly. Both self-congratulatory and deeply flawed, the Oscars measure neither a film’s popularity, nor its artistic merit. Enjoy the party, Hollywood, but don’t think it’s any more than that.

When I was a child, I used to think that the narrow metal pipes protruding from the roofs of houses were the modern equivalent of chimneys. I used to imagine the magic spells that Santa would have to employ in order to get down them.

Of course, knowing now what pipes like these are actually for, I know that Santa would be wise enough to stay well clear of them.

You might think that, I couldn’t possibly comment…

The Hon Stephen Conroy

Minister for Broadband, Communications and the Digital Economy
Deputy Leader of the Government in the Senate

Level 4, 4 Treasury Place
Melbourne Vic 3002

Dear Mr Conroy,

I am writing to ask you to please explain why your government is planning to roll-out a new state-of-the-art broadband network whilst simultaneously crippling Australia’s internet service and broadband speeds with an unnecessary and insulting nanny-state filtering system.

I can think of a few countries that have such a nation-wide firewall, such as China, but none of these countries are the sort that I expected out federal government to want to emulate. This sort of censorship is always done under the guise of upholding the law and protecting the citizenry, but the outcome is the same – an unacceptable restriction on our liberties.

More to the point, however, is the fact that, even in a country such as China, whose government has far more wealth and impetus to construct such a firewall, these measures are almost entirely ineffectual. Proxy servers and other security holes are constantly exploited, and such measures will only become more sophisticated as users work together to find new ways to get through to the content they want to access. Can you please tell me, minister, why our government is spending our tax dollars pursuing a trial of a system that has already been proven ineffectual through daily usage by one of the world’s great superpowers?

And, minister, before such censorship is rolled out nation-wide, can you offer any kind of guarantee that genuine, non-illegal, non-pornographic content will not be blocked? It seems to me that there is a major threat that people searching for information on rape counselling, breast cancer treatments and the history of Nazi Germany could all find themselves blocked from legitimate content, because the required site was incorrectly flagged by this firewall.

Is there even going to be a process in place to appeal against a website’s placement on your blacklist? Can I expect my own personal blog to be banned because I decide I want to discuss issues that might raise a red flag like, say, if I want to voice my views on the government’s approach to combating terrorism?

Minister, I truly believe that the majority of Australians do not want their internet filtered by a meddling, if well-meaning, government. We certainly don’t want millions of taxpayer dollars spent rolling out new broadband infrastructure if the increases in service are only going to be undone by a ham-fisted attempt at censorship, the likes of which hasn’t been seen in this country since the 1950s. Listen to the people that put you in power, and stop wasting money on something the voters don’t need and don’t want.

Yours sincerely,

J.C.

The various freeways around Melbourne have recently become the staging ground of what appears to be a campaign to help problem gamblers¹, but what I suspect might actually be a surreptitious propaganda campaign by our future overlords. A number of billboards have been erected that have a picture of a worried looking woman with the words: You know in the end the machines will win.

Ostensibly, of course, the machines in question are poker machines, and what they will win is your money. However, it seems to me that this might be a subtle attempt by the real-life Skynet, AM or whatever it’s calling itself² to get us used to the idea that we can’t win a war against intelligent machines, so that we will surrender more easily when the HKs start rolling down the street.

Man vs machine isn’t the only apocalyptic war scenario that could be in store for us, there’s always the chance that one of the various space-probes we have sent out into the void will grab the attention of malevolent alien beings. Our planet is rich in natural resources, not the least of which is plentiful slave-labour, and beings with the technology to traverse the stars would probably have us in chains before you can say “take me to your leader”³.

Zombies are also a possible threat, as are monsters from another dimension and giant mutant animals. It’s important, when devising your survival strategy, to know exactly what sort of threat you are up against. Surrender, and resigning yourself to a life of servitude, might be a good idea when faced with artificial intelligence or hyper-advanced aliens, but would be fool-hardy in the face of ravenous hordes that want nothing more than to make a mid-afternoon snack out of you. At the end of days, the most important skill of all could be in knowing when to hold them, when to fold them, when to walk away and when to RUN!!!

1. Anybody reading this who thinks they may have a problem with gambling, can contact Gambler’s Help on 1800 156 789 (Australia only).
2. I think “Evil Computer Dude” would be a good name to go with. No need to beat around the bush.
3. I imagine aliens might be confused that one of our most powerful world leaders is an 81-year old virgin. I know I am.

Tonight I had a couple of issues with the family pets.

Firstly, was my mother’s dog, Nkosi. For the sake of context, it’s worth noting that Nkosi is enormous. In fact, for reference, this is approximately what he looks like:

Basically, when I opened the gate to take the rubbish out¹, Nkosi bolted past me and zoomed off down the street. Thankfully, he didn’t go far and he didn’t run onto the road. He ran into the park at the end of the street and started sniffing the grass. Of course, given Nkosi’s size, and the fact that he wasn’t wearing a leash or collar, there was no way I could muscle him back in to the yard. So I more or less pleaded with him and, being a good sort, he took pity on me and came home.

The second furry friend to give me problems, although indirectly, was my cat, Lucy. I had decided that it would be a good idea to vacuum up the bits of litter that had spilled onto the floor around her tray. The vacuum, however, decided it didn’t like that idea, and the end promptly fell off the hose. No big deal, you might think, but since it was mid-suck at the time, the litter that was in the hose came flying out at high speed. And some of it went in my eye.

Seriously, think about it, one or more bits of kitty litter actually landed in my eye. I know it did, because I have retrieved some of it – a little gritty piece of clay that my eye managed to eject out the corner like it was an enormous bit of sleep². If I don’t get conjunctivitis³ I must have an immune system to rival Chuck Norris’s⁴.

1. The bin is normally inside the gate, but I left it outside this week out of laziness convenience.
2. Out of interest, does anyone know the technical term for that crud?
3. That’s “Pink Eye” for any Americans reading this.
4. They tried to inject Chuck Norris with HIV, so his blood could create a vaccine, but the needle broke.

Having thought about the fact that inspiration doesn’t come easily when one has no clearly defined topic (as in a “personal blog” such as this) I’ve decided that I need to start writing articles¹ in series. That is, I will come up with a number of broad topics that I am interested in writing about and then that can lead to a number of different articles on specific aspects of each.

Following on from my previous discussion on bionics, I have decided to write about what I suppose you would call “futurism”. That is, the ways in which we imagine the future unfolding. Of course, not being all that tech-savvy, my thoughts are more fantastical than predictive, but really that’s half the fun of imagining what the world of tomorrow will bring.

One of the many things that Science Fiction continues to promise us in the world of tomorrow, is an increase in the level of violence in society – a trend that will obviously become most apparent in the types of media we consume. Sci Fi² is filled with possible futures in which the most popular form of entertainment is watching people get hurt or killed for sport, e.g. Rollerball, The Running Man, Salute of the Jugger, Battle Royale, etc.

I guess this concept is not so far-fetched, since the Romans had Gladiators doing this thousands of years ago³ and there are many modern sports that are but a mere footstep away from this level of violent conflict (Ultimate Fighter, anyone?). Still, like much that we were supposed to have had by the year 2000, the rise of the televised deathmatch has yet to appear.

Anyway, dissatisfied as I am with the lack of bloody violence on my TV screen, and the mockery that shows like Gladiators make of the concept, I offer up here a couple of my own concepts to be considered for development into full-blown professional bloodsports.

First is an idea that hatched when I was with some friends watching a game of rugby⁴. One friend remarked, in passing, that Rugby was really just a “big game of fight”. And so an idea was hatched. Why bother with the ball? Why not just put two teams of 18 men on a field and have them duke it out in one big bloody melee? I mean, we have boxing, kick-boxing and ultimate fighter, why aren’t there any team fighting sports? And when the bloodthirsty public is ready for it to move onto the ultimate conclusion, the deathmatch, all you need to do is add weapons. Surely, you’ll agree that this is a concept that is elegant in its simplicity.

Second is an idea that comes from a cross between Harry Potter’s Quidditch and one of the more memorable scenes from the film Saw. You have two teams that are divided into offense, defense and ball-carrier. You see, the ball-carriers don’t have the ball in their hand or any external device, they actually carry the ball by swallowing it. The offense from each team has to fight their way through the defense and reach and disembowel the ball-carrier, retrieving the ball and placing it in some kind of scoring zone to win. A possible variation could involve multiple ball-carriers per team with only one carrying the real ball. I call this game Gutterball.

Feel free to contact me if you wish to develop either of these games. I’m sure we can negotiate amicable licensing fees.

1. Sorry, as much as I love Stephen Fry, I refuse to use his rather pointless portmanteau “blessay”.
2. Please, try not to be the kind of tosser that insists that “SF” is the only proper abbreviation.
3. The modern portrayal of gladiators fighting to the death is somewhat exaggerated, but let’s not let the facts get in the way of a good story.
4. It was Melbourne Rebels in the defunct ARU, none of this pansy League bollocks.